


Of Pins and Heads

by orro



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Backstory, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3472586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orro/pseuds/orro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua doesn't remember the day Alluka was locked away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Pins and Heads

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think it got through here but I headcanon that the needle Illumi sticks in Killua's head (which I still maintain is a dumb thing but it's canon so *sigh*) makes him not forget Alluka but like. just. not think about her. And creepy family Zoldycks are always fun to think and write about.

Alluka gasps at the room full of toys and dives headfirst into the pile of teddy bears. They’re all soft, cuddly, and new. Every shade of the rainbow is here. The Zoldyck manor is void of bright colors. It’s like all of the colors hidden elsewhere are stored and hidden away in this room. 

“Are they all for me?” Alluka asks after a few minutes.

Silva nods, face still solemn and controlled. He’s out of place in this room of pinks and greens and blues. But he doesn’t seem to realize it. Kikyo thinks of Killua and smiles. She fixes a nonexistent stray hair and shuts her fan.

“Of course they are,” she croons, even bending down so she can be at Alluka’s level but she doesn’t look at her in the eyes. Kikyo waves her hand around the room. “Every single toy in here is for you, my darling. And Papa will buy you new ones if these ones break. You’ll have all the toys you’ll ever want.” 

Alluka smiles brightly, clutching at least three stuffed animals in each arm. 

“I want Killua here! We can share and play!” 

Kikyo freezes and Silva shakes his head. This is the trickiest bit. Alluka is young but they don’t want to cause that other thing any suspicion. Kikyo opens her fan and hides her mouth behind it, watching her husband as he kneels down to look Alluka in the still human eyes. 

“Killua is studying. I’ll tell him what you said, Alluka. I’m sure he’ll hurry up.” 

Alluka nods, satisfied by that, and then goes to play with some other toys. There are hundreds of different toys here and there are only so many hours in the day. And if Killua comes the day only passes quicker.

Alluka doesn’t notice the heavy door closing behind Kikyo and Silva or the sounds of deadbolts falling into place. Nor how there are no windows in the basement room, how there is a slot for food to be sent through or the monitors and cameras all over the room. 

All Alluka thinks about is when Killua will get there. He’s never taken too long before. Killua will be here to play soon.

#

“Where’s Alluka?” Killua asks the servants as he eats his lunch. He frowns for a moment across the table at the empty seat then goes back to his food. At one point he even scoffs at a piece of meat, which Gotoh knows for a fact is poisoned, but Killua just downs it all the same. (Illumi is insistent Killua regularly consume toxins and Lady Kikyo agrees.)

Gotoh and Makoto glance at each other, and in the perpetual dim of the Zoldyck manor it’s simple enough for Makoto to bend her head down and fade into the background. Gotoh clears his throat. He had orders from Silva not to let Killua interfere during this morning and Gotoh has succeeded in that much. But that’s about all that he’s capable of, he’s sure, and he’s not surprised it only took Killua a few hours to notice his missing sibling.

“I believe Master Silva and Lady Kikyo are with him.” 

“Alluka’s a girl,” Killua points at Gotoh with his spoon. He doesn’t look at Gotoh coldly but it’s a very near thing. Gotoh lets nothing show on his face. “Why do I gotta keep repeating that?”

“Pardon, Master Killua, but Master Silva and Lady Kikyo insist I not humor Master Alluka in that regard.” 

“She’s a girl,” Killua repeats and glares at both of the servants. He scarfs down the last of his pancakes and then gets up, leaving the sticky mess on the table. “I’m gonna go find her since you guys won’t tell me. Later.” 

Gotoh says nothing. He merely instructs Makoto to clean up after Killua. Silva and Kikyo are the masters of the Zoldyck house right now. But he’s looking forward to the day when Killua becomes head of the household. 

Until then Killua is a child and he must obey his parents just as Gotoh must obey the Zoldycks’ orders.

#

Killua ends up searching the whole house over before he suspects anything. The Zoldck manor is large enough that he could have missed Alluka by a hair, but the problem isn’t that. Soon enough he feels the difference in the air; people are waiting for something to happen, and they’re waiting for him to be the catalyst. 

Servants duck out of his way when they usually try to greet him and chat for a while. There are more butlers around than usual and while Killua doesn’t fear for himself or his family, the butlers are there to protect and serve, though they usually engage in the latter more so than the former. 

The butlers that tend to Alluka are nowhere in sight. 

Killua heads to his parents’ room to ask them directly where Alluka is. Before he can get there though he passes by Milluki’s room, and as he’s walks by, he hears Milluki call his name. Killua ignores him but then Milluki comes out of his room and that’s enough to make Killua pause and look back. 

Killua stops in place and waits for Milluki to come to him. Milluki’s heavy footsteps echo on the stone ground and Killua furrows his brow a little. Despite his apathy Milluki knows how to walk softly and without noise and so that means he’s doing it on purpose.

“What are you doing, Kil?” Milluki asks with a shit eating grin on his face. 

Killua wrinkles his nose at him. Milluki smells like plastic glue and sweat, and the combination is disgusting. But Milluki usually has snacks on him and they’re only occasionally poisoned so Killua doesn’t want to piss him off entirely. Illumi’s treats are almost always poisoned but more importantly they usually taste like shit. Milluki keeps the good stuff. 

“Gonna play with Alluka,” he says roughly. Milluki’s grin widens and Killua regrets his polite tone. 

“Don’t think that’s going to be happening,” Milluki says, and he laughs at Killua’s confused expression. He set up all of the monitors in Alluka’s room and he’s been looking forward to seeing Killua’s expression when he realizes that his favorite sibling is out of his reach. But it’s a weakness that Killua has allowed himself to have and that’s stupid. Illumi will stamp it out of Killua but Milluki plans to enjoy it. 

“What the fuck?” Killua asks but Milluki just keeps laughing. Punching Milluki is never worth the effort involved. Instead he rushes forward and trips Milluki, taking care not to let him fall on top of him, then stands atop him. “What’s so funny?” 

Milluki wheezes but he’s still grinning. He’s going to get bruised from his fall but bruises are nothing compared to how much fun poking at Killua is.

“Alluka’s gone,” he says and Killua doesn’t believe him. His words are too vague but there’s a fear creeping into Killua’s heart now. He presses his foot down harder on Milluki’s chest, taking pleasure in hearing Milluki grunt in pain. 

“No, she’s not. Where is she?” 

“He’s not allowed out. Papa made sure of that.” Killua lets up the pressure a little and Milluki sighs in relief. “Alluka’s too dangerous, Kil. We gotta think about the Zoldycks, got it?” 

“Shut up,” Killua says. He doesn’t want to think about the family. Everyone is already convinced that he’s going to be like his father someday and be in charge but he can’t think like that. He’s still too young. Right now he just wants to be with Alluka and play with her. 

He leaves Milluki after one good kick, deciding that it’s better than snacks, and goes to find his father. His heart sinks when he finds the door to his father’s room locked. The door is always kept open for them. He’s seen it closed twice, but he’s never seen it locked. 

Killua bangs on the door, though he’s certain that won’t help. He knows better than to try to force it open. Because while he can break down the wooden door, steels bars and all, that’s not an option. But he needs to talk to his father. 

“Kil, what are you doing?” Kikyo is down the hall and Killua whirls around to see her. She has stopped walking and stares across at him. The weak light that the candles provide illuminates the red light from her visor. Killua stares at it for a moment before answering.

“The door is locked,” he says, a little blank and dumb. Something is going on, people are keeping quiet about something, and Killua just wants Alluka back. 

Kikyo doesn’t say anything. The tap of her sandals against the floor is the only sound for a few minutes as she slowly makes her way to join Killua at the door. It isn’t until she’s right next to Killua that she speaks.

“Of course it is. Papa is very busy right now, Kil. We’ve had a busy day.” 

Killua swallows. 

“I don’t know where Alluka is. I-I wanted to ask him. Milluki said….he said that you-” Killua can’t keep on. Milluki lies sometimes, to tease him, but he’s never done anything like this. 

Kikyo stares at him for a moment then kneels down to Killua’s level, ignoring the cold of the stone ground. She reaches up to touch his face but stills her hand as Killua’s hand twitches. He hasn’t shifted his nails to claws yet but he’s a hair trigger away from it.

“What did Milluki say, my darling?” 

“He said you locked Alluka away,” Killua whispers. 

Kikyo opens her arms and Killua stares. She’s always trying to kiss and hug him, but she would always try to force it onto him. Now that she’s offering, giving him a choice, he’s sure she has a knife or something to stab him in the back with. It’s too vulnerable a position. He’s been taught better.

Kikyo reaches over and forcefully grabs him in a hug though this time Killua doesn’t try to escape. Today everything is strange. He’s not sure what’s going on anymore and he lets himself stay in his mother’s arms for a moment, feet not firmly planted on the ground for once.

“Milluki didn’t lie, Kil. Alluka won’t hurt anyone anymore now that he’s locked away. You must understand. Papa did it to protect us all.” 

Killua struggles and he breaks free after a vicious bite to Kikyo’s arm. She coos at the blood pouring down her arm, ignoring the way it stains her dress and drips onto the floor. The smell and taste linger in the air but neither of them notice it.

“Very good, Kil. You’re growing up to be such a big boy,” Kikyo says with nothing but pride in her voice.

“I want to talk to Father,” Killua says, blood on his teeth. He licks it away and spits it out, and Kikyo looks a bit disappointed at that. 

“He won’t change his mind. I don’t want you to get disciplined for talking back to your father, Killua.” 

Killua glares at her and after a minute, Kikyo sighs and opens the door. Silva isn’t surprised to see either of them, but then, he rarely shows emotions. He’s a Zoldyck assassin and Killua has always been taught by Illumi that emotions aren’t something an assassin needs. 

Silva is seated in his chair, reading over an old book alongside a stack of printed forms, with many of them strewn around and scribbled on. He ignores Killua and studies Kikyo for a moment. The fires in this room are bright but it’s still dark compared to the sunny outside. 

“Kikyo,” Silva says, and Kikyo makes an offended noise. 

“I think you should be the one to say it to Kil. Someone should. He deserves to know.” 

“Know what?” Killua asks. 

Silva stares at him and Killua doesn’t break the look. 

“Alluka will be locked away in the lower levels of the house until he can control his power or we can find a way to do it for him,” Silva says, almost bored and with no other inflection.

“You can’t do that!” Killua yells. The dog at Silva’s side opens its eyes and watches Killua. Kikyo glares at it but it keeps watching Killua. 

“Killua,” Silva says, calmly but Killau recognizes it for the warning that it is. 

He clenches his fists. He could ignore it from Milluki and his mother, but the words coming out of Silva’s mouth are nothing but the truth. And he doesn’t want it to be true. Alluka wouldn’t hurt anyone. It’s other people's fault for being greedy. 

Alluka and Nanika don’t deserve to be locked away because of that.

“I want to see her.” 

“No.” Silva shakes his head. “It’s too dangerous. I won’t tolerate this, Killua.” 

“So you’re just going to toss her and leave her like that?! Alluka is your child! You wouldn’t lock me away like that!” Killua yells again and this time he can see he’s pissed off his father. But he won’t shut up. 

“Kikyo,” Silva says, and this time, the dog does growl, the action sending a slight rumble through the ground. Silva doesn’t shush it. 

“Come along, Kil,” Kikyo says and she grabs Killua’s hand. 

“No!” Killua tries to force her off but she’s got an iron grip on his hand now. He always forgets that his mother is a Zoldyck and strong when she lets him attack her so often. “You bastard! You’re both horrible! Let me go!” 

“Oh sweetie, don’t say such terrible things,” Kikyo says to him lovingly. “I know you’re angry but come now. You’ll understand when you’re older.” 

Killua just continues to curse them both out, but Kikyo says nothing more to him. She throws him out and the door slams shut behind her. Killua pounds his fists on the door though he knows they won’t open it for him. 

“Calm down, Kil,” Illumi says, coming from nowhere. “What’s wrong?”

“You have to stop them!” Killua begs Illumi, latching onto the sleeve of his shirt, tears blurring his vision. He doesn’t ask if Illumi was passing by and heard him or if he’s been here for longer. With his oldest brother it could be either. “Don’t let them shut Alluka away!” 

Illumi doesn’t need to ask what Killua is crying about. He looks at where Killua is clutching his shirt, blinking a little more at the freely given physical contact. Killua is slippery and Alluka is just about the only family member he’ll touch gently. The others get hurt though Illumi doesn’t mind when Killua is the one doing it. He prefers Killua’s nails cutting through his skin rather than no touch.

“Okay. I’ll talk to Father.” 

“Me too-” 

“Go away, Kil. You’re too upset. You’ll just make things worse. Leave everything to Big Brother, alright?” 

Killua nods and looks at him hopefully. Illumi is the oldest and though Killua knows he’s the favorite, he’s still young. But Illumi has his parents’ trust.

“You’ll fix it, right, Illumi? Please-”

“Go to your room, Kil. Don’t be underfoot. I’ll fix it, one way or another. I promise.” 

Illumi shoos Killua away, making certain that he’s gone before knocking on the door. It takes awhile for Killua to leave. He keeps trying to hide but Illumi knows his tricks. He taught them to Killua himself. When he’s certain he’s gone, he knocks, and it opens.

Kikyo and Silva turn to greet Illumi. He stands before them. 

“I want to talk to you about Alluka and Killua,” Illumi says and Silva sighs. He’d known that Killua wouldn’t like their plan but he can’t humor his son in this. But he’d expected to have to deal with Killua’s child rage not Illumi’s bargaining on his behalf. It’s shrewd of Killua in a way Silva hadn’t yet expected of him. 

“Very well.” 

“Killua is upset,” Illumi starts. He’s certain there’s a stronger word for the expression in Killua’s eyes but he can’t think of it. It’ll have to do. Everyone knew Killua would take it badly anyway. “He wants to see Alluka.” 

Silva says nothing. Illumi has said nothing new to him. Of course Killua wants to see Alluka. That’s not going to be allowed though especially while Killua is young enough to accidentally propose something fatal to Alluka. He’s still a child with a child’s wayward confidence. Killua believes he’s trusting a sibling, not a demon. 

“I think we should propose letting Killua visit him.”

Kikyo gasps and the dogs’ ears twitch a little. 

“You don’t mean that, do you, Illumi,” Silva says. He isn’t asking a question. 

“Of course not,” Illumi says, blinking as he turns to his father. “Alluka is dangerous. One wrong request and that thing could annihilate the entire family.” 

Silva nods in approval. 

“We just have to let Killua think he’s visiting her this once. What I actually want to do is implant a needle in his head,” Illumi says, pulling out a thin, nearly invisible needle. Silva’s expression doesn’t change but he doesn’t stop Illumi from talking. 

“You can’t,” Kikyo says, standing up, agitated. “Kil is developing so nicely, this could ruin him! I won’t let you do it, Illumi!” 

“It won’t hurt him. I don’t want to turn him into one of my needlemen.” Illumi says. He sounds a little miffed at the accusation. “Just so that he’ll forget about Alluka. He’ll be happier this way.” 

Silva makes a thoughtful sound. 

“What impact will this have on Killua?” 

“It’ll be like a voice in the back of his head. I’ll push Alluka to the back of his mind. Killua won’t forget him but he won’t remember either. Other than that it shouldn’t have much of an effect on Killua, I don’t think.” 

“You don’t think?” Kikyo repeated icily. 

“You can never be 100% sure. I’m 99% sure otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it,” Illumi says, staring at his mother. “I’d never do anything to hurt Killua permanently like that.”

Kikyo makes a noise but says nothing else. She’s already voiced her disapproval. Silva will make the final decision. And he takes no rush to think it over. Killua is their hope for the Zoldyck future; Zeno approves of his skill. It’s Killua’s temperament that is causing the problem. 

Killua is still young though and he could change as he grows up. Alluka is a dangerous impediment to Killua’s growth. He softens and weakens him. Alluka’s effect on Killua is too strong to ignore any further.

“I will permit it, Illumi. But should it fail, be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions,” Silva says. 

“Oh I won’t fail,” Illumi says. He won’t. He would never risk damaging Killua like that. This will help Killua. But he still agrees because his father is his father, and he is the head of household, and Illumi will obey. Besides, they’re only all worried for Killua. 

Illumi leaves and calls Gotoh to see where Killua has run off to. He’s in Alluka’s old room, which they haven’t yet had time to empty out completely, all the more that Killua has holed himself up in there. The butlers are a little nervous at having failed to complete their orders but Killua’s comfort precedes that, of course, so Illumi ignores them. 

Killua’s face is red and blotchy from his crying. He’s not crying anymore but his eyes are still wet. Anything Killua does is adorable and wonderful, of course, and Illumi has never seen him cry without physical pain. It’s fascinating. 

But it’s not the proper face for an assassin and so it must go. 

“Father has agreed to let you visit,” Illumi lies. It’s for Killua’s benefit so he feels no guilt. 

Killua’s face changes again and a smile bursts from him. Illumi likes it. But again, it’s not necessary.

“Really?! Thank you, Illumi! How did you do it? When can I go? Can it be right now?” Killua is still in place but something about him vibrates in his excitement, such that he can’t contain it. Illumi has watched him endure all sorts of tortures with nothing but a smirk. 

“Not yet. First come here.” 

Killua bounces up to him, standing before him, happy and eager. Illumi puts his hand on Killua’s head and Killua wriggles a little, unused to this sort of action. 

“This’ll hurt but it’ll be good for you, okay?” 

Killua gets a note of sadness in his face now but he’s heard this plenty of times and he doesn’t protest. His body braces for the pain. 

Illumi ruffles Killua’ hair. It’s not often he gets to touch Killua like this. Usually Killua ducks and runs, expecting pain and a lesson. He’s trained his little brother well so he feels no remorse. But its awfully nice and Illumi thinks that Killua might look better with longer hair. 

He parts his hair and inserts the needle. The needle is thin and as small as it needs to be. It doesn’t hurt that much. 

Killua barely notices. 

And he forgets entirely soon enough.


End file.
